Pretty Little Liars Finale

Okay, it’s over.  The end done cometh.

My initial reaction?

I don’t hate it?

My reaction 20 minutes later?

Um, but hold up.

My reaction 60 minutes later?

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS FINALE SUCKED

Photo credit: Google

Okay.  You know what, MARlene?  I wouldn’t have hated this fucking Spencerietta/Twincer/Alex shit if you had made her exist pre-Charlotte’s death.  You missed multiple opportunities for her actually to make sense.  Which, I get it, you didn’t know how many seasons you were getting and needed a LAZY ass band-aid to cover the gaping wound that is this show, but so, there you go.  Alex Drake.

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS FINALE SUCKED 7x20

Photo: Google

So, in case I haven’t spoiled this episode for you, which, you should thank me for saving 78 minutes of your life (giving you the benefit of the doubt with your reading time of this post.)

WHO IS AD?

ALEX DRAKE.  Spencer Hastings identical, London-based evil twin.

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS FINALE SUCKED 7x20

GOOGLE: So, 3 sets of twins? Okay then.

This whole episode in bullet points?

Pretty Little Liars Finale Garbage

  • Mona’s still cray.
  • Spencer (or is she?) and Ali have renovated the Lost Woods for nobody but themselves?
  • Hanna signed up to be Mona’s babysitter, and Caleb can’t stand sleeping with her because of it.
  • Ezra is still a garbage human making Aria’s infertility about him.
  • Aria is sad about this piece of garbage not wanting to marry her.
  • The wine moms hating on all of this bullshit was the best.
  • Spencer gets hit by Mona and abducted by her evil English twin, Alex Drake.
  • Bonus fact:  Alex Drake is a character on a British show called Ashes to Ashes, the sequel to Life on Mars.  So original, Mar.
  • Wren apparently was so hot for Hastings puss, that he knowingly teamed up with what we learned to be Spencer’s twin, Alex.
  • Alex has a terrible cockney accent.  I live in the UK (I’m an American expat) and her accent was pretty horrendous.
  • Wren is the Emison baby’s daddy.
  • Wren is dead.
  • Evil twin Spencer, Alex, bought Toby’s house and turned it into an entire underground city like the Walton’s who own Wal-Mart and aim to outlive all of us when the real shit goes down on this planet.
  • Once Spencer is abducted by her evil twin and biological Momster, Mary Drake, she learns about all of the times Alex has impersonated her and nobody who knows her gave a single fuck.
  • Toby hit that and didn’t notice. (To be fair, Tobes is a fucking dummy, tho.)
  • Marlene King could have made Alex Drake a better pill to swallow had she been present in any event before 6×11.
  • Not sure which?  “I heard a scream.”  “I’ve looked everywhere.”  I dunno, when Melissa “taped” her confession of killing Bethany Young.  WE COULD HAVE HAD  REAL FUCKING ANSWERS BUT NO.  NO.  LAZY.COM
  • Happy show endings for everyone.  Everyone is married, knocked up, or blissfully ignorant.
  • Mona comes through showing us that she could fuck a cop and make it count.  Our ending? Mary and Alex Drake are locked up in a dollhouse in Paris under Mona’s supervision.
  • The end.

Are you like, “what the fuck” yet?

 

You should be.

erintution.com

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I feel old.  I am old.  I’ve mentioned this.  When I say I’m old to my mother, she reminds me that she had my sister when she was my age.

I remind her that my sister is 31 and then we both need a drink.

I may not be old enough to have been able to buy a teenie boppers magazine with The Beatles on the cover (though John Lennon was my first love, RIP.)  But I am old enough to have plastered my bedroom with all things New Kids On The Block, or NKOTB if you’re too tired to say their entire band name.

I mean it’s a lot of words.

Every young girl (and gay guy) had their favorite New Kid, am I right?  Don’t even dare lie about it.  The New Kids were so popular; they were even summoned to help find a missing girl way back when.

I’m not kidding.  The New Kids On The Block were on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

Sexy, eh?  So, like it or not, those of us who were so inclined had a romantic obsession with at least one (or if you were a little frisky for your age two) of the members.

The other day, my husband and I were talking about the New Kids (I have zero ideas how the hell we arrived at this topic) and started slipping down memory lane about how I was in love with Donnie Wahlberg.  I loved Donnie because he was the bad boy.  Sure he had a rat tail haircut and a bad attitude, but he was my favorite New Kid and let no bitch try and say, Joey, Jordan, Johnny, or Danny were better than Donnie.

I loved Donnie, and because of this, I feel this choice influenced me to date many dipshits for the majority of my dating life.

Seriously, I dated some losers.  There were a couple of nice guys mixed in, but ultimately, I left them for guys who were more adventurous, aka hot messes.

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Photo: Pinterest

I mean, how could you not want to drink beers and drive away into the sunset in a stolen Chevy with this guy?

Or drown in Joey’s eyes?

Or ice Jordan’s nuts on the high notes?

It’s like this, depending on the NKOTB member you were obsessed with, probably had a lot to do with your love life wins and losses.

Jordan:  The falsetto frontman with dashing good looks and a blowout only Pauly D could rival.  He could reach notes like Mariah Carey and probably charm your mom.  If you were into Jordan, you probably dated guys who had a little mystery to them, but were a pretty face and looked good in pictures.  You didn’t marry this guy, but probably know someone who did.

Photo: Pinterest

 

Joey:  The young one with the big blue eyes which set the stage for the likes of Justin Beiber’s rise to fame.  Before the balls dropped, he was the cute little guy.  After the balls had done dropped, the baby face remained and got smexy.  If you were into Joey, you probably dated a guy slightly younger than you, who also had a baby face, and let’s be honest; you’re still stalking him and his wife on social media on sleepless nights.  I mean, c’mon, look at this guy!

 

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Photo: Pinterest

Jonathan Knight:  He was underrated.  I mean, he was cute and obviously brought something to the group, but weren’t there always at least two members of a boy band who were like pretty basic.  I remember Jonathan dated Tiffany (I am really aging myself here) and people wanted to spike her Tab with Drano.  I mean, he didn’t marry Tiffany, because he’s gay.  Yeah, in case you didn’t know.   If you were into Jonathan, you wanted a high school sweetheart type, but, realistically, likely fell in love with a gay guy, and you’re still really good friends.

Photo: Pinterest

Danny Wood:  He was kinda the last in line when it came to NKOTB crushes.  I knew a girl who liked Danny the most.  He seemed quiet and introspective.  I think he got married and had a shit ton of kids.  He’s also really into fitness and appears to have been the inspiration for the casting goals for the Jersey Shore reality show.  If you were into Danny, you probably like guys who lift, tan and believe in old fashioned relationship goals.  You likely are helping him bench press your youngest child over his head right now.

favorite-new-kids-block-member-infuenced-love-life

Photo: Pinterest

I saved the best for last, Donnie Wahlberg:  Donnie was the “bad boy” of the NKOTB.  He has tattoos, thrust his junk on the edge of the stage, and comes from one of Boston’s most beloved working class families.  I’ve had several government cheese cheeseburgers at the famous Wahlburgers, and I’m not mad about it.  He married Jenny McCarthy a few years ago he currently plays a detective on the tv series Blue Bloods.   If you were into Donnie, you liked guys who had an appetite for trouble and beautiful women.  You didn’t date him for a long while you were both young.  You likely spent years dating guys just like him until you just decided to be happy and now you’re probably settled down with a nice, sensible man.    At least, that’s what finally happened to me. I’m not looking back and neither should you.  Despite what Jenny McCarthy has done, you don’t marry bad boys.  You date them, cry over them, and block them on all social media.

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Photo: Pinterest

 

Who was your favorite guy?  Here’s their pick for favorite girls. (P.S. It’s you!)

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The ‘Waiting’ Game

Well, it came, after nearly eight months of a hiatus, Pretty Little Liars returned with it’s first of the final ten #endgame episodes, “Playtime.

I know that it was a premier event and that there was only so much territory possible covered, but I kinda hated this episode.  Andrea Parker (Mary Drake) said there would be a “mouth-gaped” shock moment in episode 7×11.

… an absolutely, pick-your-teeth-up-off-the-floor, mouth-gaped, didn’t-see-that-coming” scene happens in the first episode of 7B. It’s right up top. It happens pretty fresh in the first episode… and it is an exciting ride.”  (Source)

Um, when?  Did I miss it?

Unless Parker was referring to the most obvious of obviousness?

When it comes to Spencer, Peter Hastings IS the father (and Mary was supposed to be Jessica, but then wasn’t.)

Of course, Mary Drake is Spencer’s mom.  Of course, Peter slept with her ‘thinking she was Jessica DiLaurentis.’  For real, 85% of the PLL fandom already predicted this.

It was an NC-17 switcharoo; Peter needed to get his playtime sorted out.

Mmmmmkay?

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Photo: Bustle.com

Also, what the hell kind of cruise was Peter and Veronica on that, they took a week to get back to their recently shot daughter?  And Peter had trouble with his passport?  Is that because it’s a fake and he’s wearing a mask?  I won’t go there, but I bet somebody will.

I feel for Spencer, however.  What a mess.  This girl cannot catch a break with that clan of hers.  Mary being her biological mother actually does make a lot of sense.

The ‘ships have sailed

Okay, I know people shit their pants over Haleb, but they bore me.  I don’t care about the ships at all.  Unless it’s the friendSHIPS, I don’t ship it.  I just can’t with these couples.

Regarding the ships, I will say this though, APPLAUSE to Emily Fields for telling Ali to back the fuck up unless she figures her sexuality out, right quick.

I still hate Ezra

Ezra.  He’s AD.  You know what I think.  Is he in New York with Nicole’s family?  No.  He was translating his plans to torment his girlfriend and her friends into braille for Jenna Marshall.

“Keep planning your wedding, Aria, and he’ll show up,”  says Hanna.

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#NeverForget your first reaction, girl. Photo: Pinterest

Um, no.  Take a break from the bullshit, Aria, and try and figure out why somebody wants to ruin your life so badly.  I mean, besides the obvious.

Who the hell is in France?  

Spencer’s gunshot wound was from a .22, not Jenna’s .45.  Marco Polo confirmed the ballistics.  But Archer’s passport was scanned in France.

So some mofo is eating baguettes by The River Seine with a Huw Collins mask?  This stinks of Charlotte, and I don’t know how I feel about that.  I’m still holding out hope for Melissa’s involvement.

Emma Dumont

Katherine Daly is .actually a chick named Katherine Daly.  The fandom had all hoped that the name Katherine Daly was a cover up for a young Mary Drake flashback.  Lame.  Hanna gave her a dress to wear, and Mona took the credit. We don’t have time for this.

Again, we don’t have time for this.

The return of ‘Bitchy Ali’

“Bitchy Ali” is back.  My prediction?  She’ll be gone by minute 4 of the next episode with maybe a few bits of flare here and there (ooh, that rhymes!).  That wasn’t the old Ali that was the hormonal-I’m-knocked-up-with-a-conman’s-baby, Ali.

Playtime?

AD’s board game is ridonkulous.

I do, however, like the idea that the Liars are forced to put together a puzzle.

Time is too limited for the game to be random at this point.

playtime-pll-7x11

Photo: Teen Vogue

The bottom line?

This episode didn’t meet my expectations, but I suppose this is because of the super long break we had to endure.

I’m, of course, going to keep playing Marlene King’s game.

Because believe it or not, I have faith that the ending will be worth all of her fuckery.

So, greatest troll of the Internet Marlene, let’s play!

Despite my feelings on this episode, I want more.

Did you watch? What are your predictions for the #endgame?

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are-overpriced-fitness-classes-worth-the-cost

As a fitness professional, I am all about trying to help people achieve fitness. When I say this, I mean it. I charge SUPER reasonable prices for my services and am willing to work with people’s budgets whenever possible.

I do not believe that exercise should be for the elite, Lululemon toting population only and that’s why I don’t support brands that charge the price of a compact car for their classes.

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#TrollCycle

Overpriced Fitness Classes

Overpriced fitness classes are a dick move, okay.  Some of them won’t even participate in ClassPass or Groupon.  In my opinion, these brands are promoting “you can’t sit with us” fitness, and it pisses me off.

overpriced-fitness-classes

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Exercise and movement should be available to everyone. I mean, the first time I read the price of a single boutique cycling class, I was sickened. I know everybody is trying to make a buck in this industry and I’m not that great at it because I believe that everyone should be able to work out (at least once) with a trainer on their fitness journey.

Also, I’ve mentioned this before, but I take issue with the athleisure racket going on these days.  Not only are leggings the cost of week’s worth of groceries for a family of four, but they are only sold in sizes for people who require the least amount of exercise possible.

I’m cool with celebrities having the best of the best and being able to afford $75 indoor fitness classes and $3500/month for a personal trainer, but this ploy to get regular people to participate in this bullshit is beyond me.

As a certified Mad Dogg Athletics instructor, I can also say without any hesitation that some of these high end boutique classes are bad for you.  As in, they will likely injure you due to their heavy focus on exercise contraindications.

Are overpriced fitness classes worth the cost?

Don’t believe me?  Read this,  this, or this.

Not that SoulCycle stands alone in this criticism.  As a former instructor of a popular dance fitness class, I had to stop after the first year because the monthly license fees, insurance, music, and apparel were costing me more than it was worth.  I thought to myself, I love to dance, but there is no reason why people should have to pay me $15/class so that I could afford to dress like MC fucking Hammer and teach classes using corporate choreography.

The bottom line is; I am just sick of the elites in the fitness world.  I know that they have always been there, but right now, in a time when more than 50% of people earn £20k ($30k USD) or less a year, the fact that people have to feel like shit about not being able to take the “hottest fitness classes” is bullshit.

Want my professional advice?  Oh, well, you’re gonna get it anyway: Find something you love to do that isn’t going to cost you 25% of your salary and go for it.  There are plenty of free and/or inexpensive fitness programs out there.

For instance, like my free 7-Day fitness challenge over on my coaching site.  You can download it for free and jump-start your fitness routine.

Getting fit can be effective and affordable.  You don’t have to be part of an elite cult to get in shape.  Believe me.

Have you tried trendy boutique fitness classes?  Do you find them to be worth the money?

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