Okay, it’s over. The end done cometh.
My initial reaction?
I don’t hate it?
My reaction 20 minutes later?
Um, but hold up.
My reaction 60 minutes later?
Okay. You know what, MARlene? I wouldn’t have hated this fucking Spencerietta/Twincer/Alex shit if you had made her exist pre-Charlotte’s death. You missed multiple opportunities for her actually to make sense. Which, I get it, you didn’t know how many seasons you were getting and needed a LAZY ass band-aid to cover the gaping wound that is this show, but so, there you go. Alex Drake.
So, in case I haven’t spoiled this episode for you, which, you should thank me for saving 78 minutes of your life (giving you the benefit of the doubt with your reading time of this post.)
WHO IS AD?
ALEX DRAKE. Spencer Hastings identical, London-based evil twin.
This whole episode in bullet points?
Pretty Little Liars Finale Garbage
- Mona’s still cray.
- Spencer (or is she?) and Ali have renovated the Lost Woods for nobody but themselves?
- Hanna signed up to be Mona’s babysitter, and Caleb can’t stand sleeping with her because of it.
- Ezra is still a garbage human making Aria’s infertility about him.
- Aria is sad about this piece of garbage not wanting to marry her.
- The wine moms hating on all of this bullshit was the best.
- Spencer gets hit by Mona and abducted by her evil English twin, Alex Drake.
- Bonus fact: Alex Drake is a character on a British show called Ashes to Ashes, the sequel to Life on Mars. So original, Mar.
- Wren apparently was so hot for Hastings puss, that he knowingly teamed up with what we learned to be Spencer’s twin, Alex.
- Alex has a terrible cockney accent. I live in the UK (I’m an American expat) and her accent was pretty horrendous.
- Wren is the Emison baby’s daddy.
- Wren is dead.
- Evil twin Spencer, Alex, bought Toby’s house and turned it into an entire underground city like the Walton’s who own Wal-Mart and aim to outlive all of us when the real shit goes down on this planet.
- Once Spencer is abducted by her evil twin and biological Momster, Mary Drake, she learns about all of the times Alex has impersonated her and nobody who knows her gave a single fuck.
- Toby hit that and didn’t notice. (To be fair, Tobes is a fucking dummy, tho.)
- Marlene King could have made Alex Drake a better pill to swallow had she been present in any event before 6×11.
- Not sure which? “I heard a scream.” “I’ve looked everywhere.” I dunno, when Melissa “taped” her confession of killing Bethany Young. WE COULD HAVE HAD REAL FUCKING ANSWERS BUT NO. NO. LAZY.COM
- Happy show endings for everyone. Everyone is married, knocked up, or blissfully ignorant.
- Mona comes through showing us that she could fuck a cop and make it count. Our ending? Mary and Alex Drake are locked up in a dollhouse in Paris under Mona’s supervision.
- The end.
Are you like, “what the fuck” yet?
You should be.